THIS IS CHINA #5 "Taxis"

Taxis in China are a real experience and I guess you can only understand if you have lived here or someplace similar. I have categorized taxi drivers into the following.....



ACCELORATUS INTERUPTUS : This group of drivers has a permanently shortened calf muscle which prevents them from keeping their foot on the accelerator for more than 2 seconds at a time. The constant jerking back and forward is reminiscent of the EARLY LEARNER DRIVER days when the instructor or family member had to put up with the kangaroo hops up and down the driveway and the closest empty car parks. These drivers are easily spotted by watching the passengers heads bounce violently back and forward as they drive past.



DEFYUS DEATHUS: This driver believes that he is invincible and that driving down the wrong side of the road with oncoming traffic bearing down at full speed is the only way to drive. I have found that the best coping mechanism is to sit calmly, take a few deep breaths and tell yourself that the driver is not going to put himself in danger.



SWERVUS INANOUTUS: This driver has the ability to fit his cab into the smallest spaces between traffic. Crossing at intersections this driver enjoys heading out into the traffic before it has cleared and winding in and out of the traffic before finding the correct lane on the other side sometimes this means heading off to the left and zigzagging across the intersection. Ending up on the wrong side of the road is no problem because he can just reverse back down the road until he is able to enter the correct lane.



HONKUS CONTINUS: This is more a characteristic of Suzhou drivers. Any trip in a taxi is accompanied by regular horn tooting. The drivers will toot at anything within a metre to 100 meters. They toot at cars traveling alongside, in front of and those crossing the road. They even toot if you are stopped at the side of the road waiting to cross and looking directly at them approaching. It could be 2 in the morning and the road empty. As soon as something comes into sight ahead the driver stars tooting and will continue tooting until he has passed the other vehicle. The tooting is important because drivers in China don't know how to use the side mirrors or the rearview mirror. The just look ahead and wouldn't know there was a car coming up unless they heard the toot. Pedestrians too just walk out into the traffic leaving it up to the drivers to see them and swerve rather than waiting for a break in traffic.



FLASHUS HIBEAMUS: This is exactly the same as the condition above except in Shanghai the drivers are discouraged from tooting so they flash lights instead.



TAKUSTHERONGWAYUS: You can almost see the yuan (dollar) signs flash in the eyes of the drivers when they see a 'lao wai' (foreigner) approaching. The average driver will take any opportunity to find the long way to any destination. I have been in one cab driving along a road about 2 blocks from my destination when the driver took a 10 min detour and we ended up right back at the point where we had left the road. I have found the best thing to do is to sit in the front with a map and continually ask where you are. If you know for sure the usual cost of a particular journey you get out of the cab and hand over that amount and walk off

THIS IS CHINA #4: PIZZA HUT

Pizza Hut is in China and it is always a great meal to have if you are desperate for something western. The other wonderful thing about Pizza Hut is that they are guaranteed to have good toilets. You can have pizza delivered if you pay for the cab when it arrives. Most of the pizza is thick crust but thin is becoming easier to get. Recently a friend of mine told me that she went into Pizza Hut to have pizza but she wanted a thin crust pizza. For some reason the thick pizzas are cut in wedges and the thin are cut into squares. She requested a thin pizza cut into wedges and was met with a blank look. Of course it took a great deal of time to get across to the girl what was wanted. She said no it wasn't possible and when my friend asked "why????" The girl looked very puzzled and answered, "I don't know".
Remember the all you can eat pizza deal???? Well China has it too. You pay a certain price and you get to fill up at the salad bar. The only problem is, that you are told as you pick up your tiny salad plate...."one time only." So a friend of a friend took her tiny all-you-can-eat –one-time-only plate and began stacking it as only an Australian on a mission can. She was carefully balancing the salad when she was firmly told that she had too much on her plate. So she sat down and enjoyed her all-you-can-eat-tiny-bowl-filled-one-time-only-but-not-too-full-meal. Yep, This Is China!!!

THIS IS CHINA #3 SUZHOU DENTISTS

One night a few of us were sitting around chatting and the subject of dentists came up. Generally, I think you can find good dentist here and the work is very cheap. You might have to make a few adjustments in your expectations.. this being China and all. When doing a big job, like filling several teeth close together, the dentist will fill them as one big tooth and not separate them. This of course can eliminate the need for flossing! It is also a good idea to make your appointment early in the day. A friend of mine realized she must have been one of the last patients for the day when she was told to spit and leaned over to spit to see that the bucket she had to spit into was full.
This is definitely China.

THIS IS CHINA #2: "HOSPITALS"

B, E and I went to the number 2 hospital to visit Li Li (our local music teacher) who had a baby a few days before. She was in Ward 11 listed as the "Baby Friendly Room" and all the rooms had 3 beds. To get there we were interested to pass a door marked 'delivery waiting room' we peeked through the window to see that it led to deserted courtyard. I presume there was a room on the other side but you never know!! Li Li had paid for the other two beds so that she could have the room to herself. We fell in love with her beautiful little girl who had the most perfect little face. The Chinese are way ahead of us in some ways. Most new mothers hire an Ayi(maid/aunt) who is with them 24 hours a day from before the baby is born. Li Li's Ayi was sleeping in the hospital room with Li Li and the baby and fussed over them providing for every need. The Ayi lives with the new family and does all of the cooking, cleaning, and anything else that is needed. The new mother stays at home, inside for 1 month and isn't expected to do anything. The mother is paid the whole time she is on leave and has about 2 or 3 months leave for a natural birth and 4 if it is a Caesar. The mother is not allowed to eat or drink anything cool or cold so it was lucky we didn't take any fruit. The Ayi stays with the family as long as she is needed. One of my friends still has an Ayi living at home with the baby(14months), the mother, the father and the grandparents. It is considered lucky if a boy baby looks like his mother or a girl baby looks like her father. Li Li's baby looks like her father but does not have a name yet because Li Li has 4 months to consider the perfect name for her baby.
While looking for a present and a card for the baby I came across a lovely card.
The card reads (in Chinglish) ...
"It is a new start,
It is a beautiful day.
The day is full of harryness,
Are you harry?"

THIS IS CHINA #1: FEB 2000 "NAMES"

Halfway through my first year at Suzhou, I came back from the Chinese New Year break to find that my class had increased slightly. When I arrived school I found that I now had 14 new students!!!! I rushed around finding extra books and chairs etc. Another little problem I had was that it took a while for me to find out the correct names of my children. For eg. On Wednesday I was told that my two new Korean boys in K3 were named Di Yong and Di Hyong. The next day I found out they were actually called Ji Yong and Ji Hyong. OK so I changed all of the name tags and book labels! Well on Friday they became Jae Yong and Jae Hyong, and this week they are Jae Young and Jae Hyeong...
Oh Well, THIS IS CHINA!

In The Beginning PNG#1

I set my watches and clocks five minutes early. I like to think this habit began when I rushed out of the womb six weeks early resembling (as my loving mother says) a 'skun rabbit'. Then at just 6 weeks old my family moved to Papua New Guinea. Looking back I have to admire this mother of mine who (with dad) moved with 4 children under five to a tiny island with no friends, family, telephone, doctors or shops.